Have Your Self A Secret Holiday Romance

While instant chemistry can be exciting and thrilling, the chemistry that makes marriages work usually grows over time. This special chemistry between two people involves excellent communication and self sacrifice more than physical attraction. It takes trust, patience, and willingness to talk and to listen.

With greater intimacy, married partners can have a more satisfying and fulfilling romantic life. They can learn what pleases each other. For example, your wife may not like flowers all of the time. She may desire a massage, or a well cooked meal. Or your husband may not want the latest fashionable sweater. It’s a clean car or your full attention, he desires most.

Being able to express what you want is important and genuinely listening to your spouse are key factors in building an intimate romance. Unfortunately, these skills aren’t fully developed in most marriages, so as the saying goes: “Married people can be some of the loneliest people in the world.”

What generally inhibits partners from building deeper relationships with each other?

Cary Barbor writes, "One partner (often the woman) will fight to break down defenses and create more intimacy while the other (often the man) will withdraw and create distance. So the "dance of intimacy" follows: If the woman gets too close, the man pulls back. If he moves too far away, she pursues, and so on." -- Finding Real Love - Intimacy and Alienation, Psychology Today (Jan 2001)

She also comments that we often try to recreate and fulfill our childhood desires through our marriage partners. We’re attracted to people because they remind us of our parents (OR what we wanted our parents to be). When we realize that they are too much like our mother or our father, we become frustrated, communication breaks down, and we build self-protecting “walls”.

So how can you grow in intimacy with your marriage partner? Here are some keys to unlock the mystery of deeper intimacy.

Determine what you really need out of the relationship. Is friendship more important than financial stability? Or must the bills be paid on time even if your spouse doesn’t have much time with you? Can you sacrifice long conversations for more affectionate behavior? Or do you need to talk things out no matter how long it takes? The list can go on.

Determine what your spouse really needs. At first your husband or wife may be reluctant to share what he or she needs. They may have never really thought about it in an organized fashion. Maybe it would help to have him/her write down his/her desires when he/she is relaxed. Some suggestions: do a really nice deed for your partner like, drawing a warm bath or cooking a nice meal. Then ask them to take the time to think about what they need in the relationship.

Make an effort to change your behavior everyday. If your partner needs more space, draw back a little. If they need more of your time, tune out any distractions and pay attention to your spouse. You may start with fifteen or twenty minutes with no TV, phone, computer, radio, etc. and then gradually increase your time to one to two hours of uninterrupted time per day.

Finally, take care of yourself. If you are frazzled, you won’t be a fun person to be around. Make sure that you have your own “me” time everyday where you can pray, meditate, and take care of your personal needs. Whether it’s writing in a journal, reading a good book, giving yourself a manicure, or just vegging out, do it. You and your spouse will be happy you did.

And if you're truly committed to making it work, romance will become second nature for you. All you need is:

+ a willing heart to invest the time,
+ access to a computer,
+ and maybe a little creativity.

If you're a little skeptical, don't worry, I started with only one of the three too. Here are three keys that have worked for my husband and me.

1. Romance of the mind begins when the sun comes up, not after it goes down. If you want have a successful romance with your husband or wife, start the day thinking about what your partner likes or wants most. Maybe it's a specific request, a deed, or a special gift. Doesn't have to be fancy, but it does need to be relevant to your relationship. Drop hints throughout the day to build expectancy. Some suggestions are short and sweet (or sexy) notes, photos, or voice/text messages. The idea is to show that you're listening, to give your honey a sense of desirability and to build up his/her receptiveness for affection. (Notice I did not say sex per se.)

2. Romance of the mind is ritualistic, not boring or repetitive, but endearing. I recently read an article about couples who love having fun with each other. (http://women.msn.com/a460717.armx?GT1=6920) The one thing that they all had in common was that they had certain rituals that they enjoyed doing together. When you have a certain ritual that you and your partner share, it gives you something to look forward to throughout the day, week, month or year.

Something my husband and I do to wind down our day is chat over tea, coffee, or chocolate (in the winter) and smoothies (in the summer). Sometimes we have music in the background, sometimes not. Sometimes it leads to more, sometimes not. But this practice has gotten us through some tough times spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally and even professionally.

3. Romance of the mind is well-planned but has a feeling of spontaneity. One of the movies that I truly enjoyed this year was Hitch. He had a way of making romance look easy, but he wasn't perfect. He planned, but he wasn't rigid. And when his plans fell apart, he could go with the flow. If only we all could be so talented. I'll let you in on a little secret: the good news is that we can.

Just plan around what you and your wife or husband like doing. If you like elaborate evenings for two, go for it. If you love to travel, there are plenty of romantic places to see. If you like staying home and playing board games-- there are plenty of nice (and some naughty) ones out there. Just plan and see where you'll end up.

When we lived in Brooklyn, my husband and I used to plan walking dates in Prospect Park (the Central Park of Brooklyn) or near the water along lower Manhattan. We'd have our meeting time and place, but no specific agenda in mind. Sometimes we heard musicians. Sometimes we just enjoyed nature. One time we even had an unexpected fireworks show. It was spectacular against the purple glow cast on the water. I was certain that he knew about it. He denies it to this day.

Hope this post inspires you to make an effort and draws you closer to your spouse.

Intended usage

Do you intend to use your sex toy by yourself or with your partner? Choosing a sex toy and using it together with your partner will foster better intimacy, understanding and openness. Some sex toys are used only for solo play, while some such as love swings can only be used with a partner.

Stimulation preference

Phallic sex toys can be designed for penetration or clitoral stimulation. Some can do both. Women are aroused differently and knowing which erogenous zones stimulate you more can help in choosing the right sex toys. For penetrative stimulation, the shaft type vibrators or dildos are a good choice. For clitoral stimulation, we recommend the most popular rabbit vibrator range. The rabbit range serves a dual purpose, penetration and clitoral stimulation. The base of the shaft has a bunny ear shaped soft like material designed to gently massage the clitoris while the shaft is inserted in the vagina. Rabbit vibrators are the most popular sex toys the world over and we highly recommend that you shop around for one.

Sound

Some sex toys like vibrators can be a bit noisy. You don't want to rouse your neighbors and housemates, do you? For this, you can consider variable speed vibrators or vibrators that emit a low level of noise.

Material or texture

Sex toys generally come in porous or non-porous material. Porous materials such as cyberskin are extremely lifelike. They feel very realistic and are often molded after the real thing. Non-porous materials such as plastic, soft PVC, silicone and glass are smooth and come in varying textures. Either way, they should be used with lots of lubrication. Porous materials will require a bit more cleaning as bacteria can grow between the pores. Water and soap will be enough for non-porous materials.

Style

Everybody has a personal preference when it comes to color, shape, size, studded or smooth and elongated. It's a matter of preference. Choose from a variety of characteristics including those that glow in the dark.

Wet and dry use

Are you planning to use your toy in the bath? Many people have discovered how much fun they can have in the bath. Waterproof toys such as the rubber duck or waterproof dildos make good companions.

Portability

Do you want to take your vibrator on the road with you or are you planning on keeping it at home? There are small battery powered vibrators such as the Pocket Rocket which can fit into the palm of your hand.


Cleaning and caring for your Sex Toys

Since sex toys are used on the most sensitive parts of your body, it makes sense to keep it well cleaned and cared for. With a few simple steps, you can prolong the life of your toy.

Lubricants

Water- and silicone-based lubricants are safe to use with sex toys. Avoid using oil- or petroleum-based lubricants as they break down latex material. Vaseline or olive oil are for external use only and are great for massaging. Never use oil-based lubricants for any penetration as they can cause infections if not properly cleaned.

Cleaning

Non-porous materials are smooth and warm water and soap usually does the trick. If needed, silicone sex toys can be sterilized by boiling it for 3 to 5 minutes. Porous materials such as cyberskin and rubber require a bit more care as bacteria can hide within the pores. Avoid using soap on cyberskin to maintain the texture. Instead, rinse with lots of warm water or sterilize with alcohol. It is best air-dried and sprinkled with cornstarch or talcum to maintain the smooth surface. To keep all your toys clean and ready to use, you can also pickup a care & cleaning kit.

Condoms

Condoms can be placed over sex toys so it can be safely shared with multiple partners. They also make cleaning that much easier. Rubber dildos are porous materials which must be sterilized if shared with multiple partners. Otherwise, use a condom over rubber dildos.

Storing

Try to store sex toys within reach of the bed. Nothing is more frustrating than interrupting foreplay and having to walk across the room to dig out the toy from a secret hidden spot. With that being said, sex toys should be stored in protective casing or wrapped in a piece of cloth, away from prying eyes. There are several novelty items available such as the Hide Your Vibe pillow to discreetly store your sex toys.

For more information on sex toys, visit http://www.sextoysnirvana.com/

If your relationship is starting to lose its passion you may need to make a conscious effort to re-ignite the spark in your relationship and reawaken the passion. Sometimes it may take elaborate plans and gestures to reawaken the passion in your relationship and sometimes it may just be small seemingly insignificant things that can help you to reawaken the passion in your relationship.

Planning a romantic weekend getaway can be one way to reawaken passion. A trip to a spa or a romantic destination can help to put the passion back in your relationship. This type of trip gives a couple the opportunity to step away from their everyday lives and spend some time focusing on romance.

Treating your partner with respect can also be a simple way to reawaken passion. Sometimes people get in the habit of taking their partner for granted while they continue to treat complete strangers and casual acquaintances with respect. People tend to work harder on casual relationship than they do on their romantic relationship because they take their partner for granted. Making an effort to impress your partner, however, can help to revive the passion.

Doing something new and adventurous can also help to reawaken the passion in your relationship. Try an activity that you have never done before such as skydiving or water skiing. Participating in an adventurous sport can make you feel more alive and this will transcend into your relationship and reawaken the passion.

Holding hands is another way to reawaken the passion in your relationship. This simple act draws you and your partner closer together. Most couples hold hands all the time early in their relationship but as time goes by they begin to do so less and less often. Grabbing your partners hand and holding on while you run errands can make your partner feel desired again and this will help put the passion back in your relationship.

Another way to reawaken the passion in your relationship is to plan date nights. Spend some time getting dressed up and plan a night out on the town. Putting this level of effort into a dinner date makes it feel much more special and romantic plus it gives you a chance to let your partner know that you are still interested in spending time with them. No mater how busy your week is, plan to have at least one night a week where the two of your connect in a special way. Even if it's just some quiet time at home after the kids go to bed or even a family game night with the kids, it will give you time to bond.

Taking care in your own appearance is still another way to reawaken the passion in your relationship. If you feel good about yourself, you will be more appealing to your partner. Spend a few extra minutes getting ready to go out and really pamper yourself. This will give you a confidence boost that can help bring the passion back to your relationship.

Complimenting your partner can also help to reawaken passion. Noticing when your partner puts extra effort into their appearance lets them know that you still find them desirable and attractive. Even complimenting them when they aren't all dressed up, lets them know that you love them for who they are and not just their appearance.

Even just planning trips that you would like to take in the future can reawaken passion. Spend an afternoon thinking of trips you would like to take together and make a list of all the places you want to go and all the things you want to do. This type of daydreaming draws a couple closer together and can revive passion.

Spending some quiet time together daily can be another way to reawaken passion. Plan on having at least a few minutes alone with your partner each day to help put the spark back into your relationship. Taking time to reconnect daily can help keep the passion in your relationship.

Taking a bath together can also help to reawaken passion in a relationship. This is a very sensual activity that makes you both feel pampered and gives you the opportunity to reconnect on a physical level. Beyond that it can also give you a chance to relax and unwind after a hard day of work and sometimes it's the stresses of everyday life that are putting a damper on passion.

If your relationship is starting to lose its passion it doesn't mean the relationship is over. All of these examples are simple ways that a couple can reawaken the passion in their relationship. As long as the love still exists, it is possible to bring back the passion.